I’ve had my hair in a pixie cut for just over 2 months now.
I’d been after short hair since I was about 15 however, it wasn’t the best of ideas with me being a competitive dancer and needing a full head of hair to ram the bobby pins into. But several year later I plucked up the courage to make the chop.
I’ve always had a love hate relationship with my hair. As a kid I loved it long, but as I grew older and wanted to experiment more with braids I found it quite difficult. You see I have incredibly fine hair so those big full fishtail braids never looked quite right on me. Thankfully, I have an awful lot of hair on my head (when I’m not sick with an ED ) so that did help. For my prom my friends and myself decided to all commit to growing our hair as long as possible. However, by the time college rolled around I was after short hair.
I can’t say my desire for short hair was met with much enthusiasm (other than my boyfriend who was all for it), so I kept it mildly long. I danced between shoulder length cuts to short bobs but never committed to the full chop. But once I started eating healthier I began to notice just how quickly my hair was growing. The speedy growth of my hair was the final thing I needed to get me to do it, after all if I didn’t like it I could just grow it long again.
So I went for it, and I’m so glad that I did!
I have been so happy with my short hair. Sure I have to swap my yearly hair cuts to monthly ones now, but that’s been the only downside for me really.
I can look in the mirror and see me.
Somebody else by Jackie Kay
If I was not myself, I would be somebody else.
But actually I am somebody else.
I have been somebody else all my life.
It’s no laughing matter going about the place
all the time being somebody else:
people mistake you; you mistake yourself.
I adore this poem, It’s my current favorite simply because it sums up how I’ve been feeling for so many years. Somethings tells me others might be able to relate to it as well.
My family loved my long hair. My mum had even longer hair when she was my age and, my grandparent especially, just loved comparing how we looked over the years. The phrase “you look just like your mum when she was your age.” was a common occurence anytime I visited family on my mum’s side. What isn’t a bad thing, she was very pretty so it’s always said as a compliment. However, I found that I wanted to be my own person.
I personally don’t like looking incredibly feminine, it’s simply not me. It was so hard for me to feel like myself when my long hair just screamed out girly. Sure you will occasionally see me dancing around the place in dresses, so I can look very feminin at points, but it’s so not me the majority of the time.
Having short hair enabled me to look at the mirror and smile at the person looking back at me. Sure I don’t fit the word beautiful now, I take on a different slant to the word pretty and I’ll never be considered stunning on social media or Instagram. But I am so happy with my short hair. I am happy with the way I look with it.
To suffer with anorexia for 2 years and finally be able to look in the mirror and smile at some part of me is a big step. To no longer be able to compare my body with old photos of me because my hair changes the appearance of my entire face and body, is a blessing. To be able to catch a glimpse of the person God created is so comforting.
If you’re somebody else for too long you begin to mistake who you really are.
I’ve decided to embrace a part of who I am and it’s been magical.
I’m starting to recognise myself and that in itself is a reason to be happy and dork out on a beach!